bee darling: a blog

on feeling pretty  

Have you seen the new movie, I Feel Pretty?  

I went with friends to see it last night.  Wow.  I can not recommended enough that you go watch this movie.  My husband wants to see it too - he sees how important it is.  

If you haven't seen it, the premise is that Renee doesn't consider herself beautiful.  She struggles with self-esteem and confidence.  Not approaching the bar to order drinks.  Not applying for her dream job.  Sure that no one will like her.  Then she hits her head - during spin class - and wakes up stunned by herself.  She hasn't changed.  The actress playing the part admits that she didn't look in that mirror and pretend she was thin, or any different than she actually looks, that she saw herself for who she was and fell in love.  You see how different it is for her to interact with people, putting herself out there.  The way she wears her clothes, without tugging and adjusting.  The way she carries herself.  Including applying for and getting the job.  I won't say more as not to include spoilers.  

Nothing changed except the way she saw herself.  Nothing changed except her confidence.  

Sounds simple, no?  

I've started looking at myself and not seeking out flaws, instead loving the soft tummy, loving the crooked smile, loving every inch of myself.  I've started wearing the clothes I like without worrying if the shorts are too short or if my arms are too flabby.  I've bought a two piece swim suit - modest because that is my preference - but quirky and not matronly.  I don't look at food and think good/bad in terms of what will make me fat, but instead thinking good/bad in terms of health and taste.  

I'm weird.  A nerdy introvert.  A tattooed liberal.  An over-thinking overly-cautious careful type.  Nice.  I try to be thoughtful.  I crack myself up sometimes with my goofy hilarity.  I paint.  I write.  I knit.  Mostly I mother, and if my kids can't come, I don't want to go.  I'm open minded and forgiving.  

I am so much more than my weight, my clothing size, my face.  I don't have to dress a certain way.  I don't owe you a smile.  

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To find out more about my upcoming debut novel, The Guilt of a Sparrow, check it out on Amazon.  


I love bees.  I love the easy play on words they provide.  They pollinate the world and our lives depend on them.  Save the bees!  

Bee Yourself!  


With love, 

Jess B 

no rules 

I won't pretend that I'll be a successful blogger, though that depends how I personally define success.  I plan to update weekly, which will likely never happen, as I'm swamped with other obligations.  The best case scenario is I'll update when I feel like it, which might be multiple times a day, or not at all.  

When I sat down to write yesterday, it was to find I didn't want to do it.  Not that I didn't want to write, but that I didn't want to work on what I was supposed to be writing.  

Let's break that down, shall we.  Supposed to.  Says who?  Me, I guess.  I'm the one running the show and making the decisions.  Such is the life of a writer.  Yes, I have a wonderful publisher, but they haven't asked me to write anything specific.  Or to write at all.  They're pleased with the two books they've gotten from me, both of which will be released this year.  It's all me.  I said I would write sequels to these books, make them series, trilogies what have you.

It feels forced.  I've been trying for months to shape it into something I want to do, but end up flailing around and procrastinating.  

Yesterday I sat down at my laptop - in our sunroom, so I was nearly outside enjoying the birds and squirrels and pollen laden breeze - and I told myself, "there are no rules."  Then I wrote what I wanted.  I crafted a new story about a girl/woman hiking on her own, going off the trail following a bunny, getting lost, then being found by a man who takes her to his residence hidden deep never to be found.  This isn't a horror, don't worry.  It's a sort of maybe romance.  But mostly it's a forest and a girl and a family that is both good and bad.  

What are you working on?  Are you following the rules?